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Icarus

You'd think that I would have learned not to procrastinate.  But in just about every aspect of my life, I wait until the last conceivable minute to do what needs to be done.  Whether it's moving cross-country or going for a run at night, I'm pretty bad about punctual planning.  But it's worked for me so far, so I don't have plans to change.  Which brings me to my first topic of the night:

Moving

I was lulled into a false sense of security about the ease of moving during college.  Back then, everything I owned fit snugly in the back of a Mercury Cougar (terrible car, don't buy one), and moving felt like an adventure.  Sort of like I was a high class hobo.  But no more. Now, moving involves my truck (15 mpg), an extortionate U-haul fee, and sedating the dogs.  

The silver lining is that the urge to burn everything I own out of frustration probably makes me less materialistic.  Jess might not agree.

Question

I've had the exact same question asked of me in the past day by two acquaintances, and I've been caught up short each time.  I thought maybe I should go ahead and see if I could nail down a better answer.  The question is how it feels to have gotten into Harvard.  The short answer is sheer, unadulterated child-like joy.  Tempered by the prudent fear of $160,000 in debt.  But I've thought about it a bit, and I have a more nuanced answer.

Everybody tempers their hopes with common sense.  There's no point subjecting yourself to disappointment if it can be avoided.  That's just human; who wants to feel pain?  This logic is particularly important to those who have little, as the pain of disappointment is disproportionately deep.  When you grow up like that, this sort of thinking becomes deeply ingrained.  Take what you can get and don't expect any breaks.  That line of reasoning is rational, but damaging.  Cynicism can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Don't fly too close to the sun, it can only end badly.  Stay on the ground.

When I got into HLS, it was a dream come true, but it was also a denial of the inevitable.  It wasn't just winning the lottery; it was realizing that there was actually a lottery to be won. 

Hope is a pretty big deal.

That's what it feels like.



I'll sign off with a salacious picture of my dog, Simon









Comments

  1. KevinJuly 25, 2012 at 1:47 AM

    Jacob, I'm going to read everything you write until I can recite it. Keep it coming! So stoked for you and Jess to be setting out on such an adventure. Good luck with the move, let me know if you need a place to crash in DC, I'll be moved in in less than a week.

    ReplyDelete

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